On Dating a Chinese Guy


When it comes to dating, race shouldn’t be a factor when picking your partner. It should be values that are maintained at the forefront of your mind when making a decision. You should ask yourself what values you have and uphold, and also what values you want to aspire to. On the other hand, it cannot be denied that race and culture can have a deep influence on the values that people have.


I had a different upbringing from most, going back and forth from my Mum in Australia, to my Dad in Hong Kong and Malaysia. My Dad eventually married a Malaysian lady with Chinese heritage. This meant that I had the privilege of experiencing both cultures. This deeply influenced the cultivation of my valuesand led to me having a mix of both Eastern and Western philosophies about life, work, money and family.

我的母亲居住在澳大利亚,父亲则常住在香港和马来西亚,而我往返于两者之间,因此我的成长经历和大多数人不太一样 。我的父亲最终娶了一位有中国血统的马来西亚女士。这让我有幸体验了两种文化,也对我价值观的形成产生了深厚的影响。我对生活、工作、金钱和家庭的看法都糅合了中西方的哲学理念。

Charles, my Chinese-American boyfriend had it the opposite way around. He was born in China, but at the age of 7 his family relocated to the US. This led to him also having values shaped by both Eastern and Western influences.

Charles, 我的华裔美国男友,则与我恰恰相反。他出生在中国,7岁时跟他的家人一起搬到美国。因此他的价值观也同样受到了东西方文化的影响。

By having these mixed influences in our lives, this allows us to pick and choose which values we want to adhere to and aim for. Having aligned values makes everyday decisions very easy, for example, choosing what to eat or how to spend money. I really think that all those silly little quarrels add up and deteriorate the relationship over time. It also helps in avoiding misunderstandings when big events happen, for instance when family visits or when we go travelling together.



Sure, my boyfriend’s race is Chinese, but he’s American too. And yes, I’m 外国人, but half of my family is 华人. It’s just lucky that we found each other and discovered that we had the same values. I’m also very lucky that he has helped me so much in my efforts to learn Chinese (he forces me to watch those terrible Chinese romantic dramas.) 


So for anybody out there considering dating a Chinese guy, I would say try to forget about race. Go out and meet people, but don’t judge them solely based on the color of their skin. Go find somebody who is your intellectual equal and discuss what matters to both of you. If it just so happens that the person is Chinese, then that’s great too!

如果你正在犹豫是否应该和中国小伙子交往, 我会说试着忘记种族吧。走出门去认识新朋友,但不要根据肤色来判断一个人;找一个与你志同道合的人,谈谈对于你们来说什么是最重要的。如果恰巧这个人是中国人,那也很好啊!

Charlotte spent most of her time moving between between Australia, Hong Kong and Malaysia. Finally, she decided to settle down in Shanghai to study at GoEast and has since become fluent in Mandarin. Her interests include photography, art and design.